


In the Absence of Daylight

by robotsocks



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk is the sunshine man we all know, F/F, F/M, Injury, M/M, Multi, Todd is a grumpy shit, Vampire!Todd Au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-22 19:55:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9623111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotsocks/pseuds/robotsocks
Summary: Dirk Gently is a leaf in the stream of creation, and this time the leaf was sent to the rough part of town. Specifically the rough, beat up, /vampire infested/ neighborhood that Todd Brotzman resides. Todd is a reluctant vampire, and even more of a reluctant assist-friend, but when his own start disappearing in large numbers, including someone he holds dear, Todd would follow Dirk Gently to the ends of the world to save them. Well, only when the moon is up. While opposites in almost everything, Todd and Dirk will find friendship and maybe something more.





	1. The Night Everything Started

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I hope you like it?! This is basically my first fanfiction ever, so like criticism is more that appreciated. I hope you like it, and I promise more ship stuff will happen in the next chapter... Anyway enjoy. This is kind of completely self serving, but i'm MORE than open to suggestions? ahaha.. idk enjoy 
> 
> (also if someone could teach me how to format. i would be eternally grateful)

It was dark out, and it was freezing, why did the universe lead him outside when it was this cold? Dirk couldn’t even tell why it wanted him to travel in this direction. All he could feel was a pull, a kind of niggling feeling in his gut that he needed to move. It was almost instinctual. In the way that he couldn’t control it, he didn’t think about it and he didn’t really understand it. It was close to midnight and his breath was bright white in the deep dark that surrounded him. At least he had time to put on his yellow jacket.

He walked quickly, immediately realising that he was heading to the bad part of town. Wherever the universe was guiding him too, it couldn’t be good. The street that Dirk had rounded on was lit by only one street lamp. He couldn’t see a damn thing. It was eerily quiet, in the distance he could hear light traffic but here, he felt utterly secluded. The universe urged him further down the dark street. As he walked, Dirk felt eyes on him, as if the shadows where filled with preying animals. The world felt muted as if it was muffled behind a thick blanket. Dirk realised could no longer hear the faint traffic in the distance. Not for the first time in his life, he sent a silent question of “why” to the universe. Nevertheless, Dirk continued down the street.

There seemed to be a build-up of anticipation around him, a kind of energy. The world was waiting for something that he didn’t have context for. He knew this was where the universe wanted him to be. Nerves grew in his stomach, he really didn't want to be down here, but he was never a quitter for something he had already started. 

The walk down the street felt like an eternity, an eternity that was broken within seconds. The screech of tires at the corner broke the heavy silence. Without thinking, Dirk hurtled down an alley, every instinct in his body screaming at him to hide. Even the universe seemed told him too. The van passed his dark alley and came to a stop under the only streetlamp that worked. The amber light pooled around the black van, casting it in a warm glow that simply made it even more ominous. Dirk’s first thought was that the CIA had found him again, but the people who stepped out from the back of the van were not people Dirk recognised, project Blackwing wasn't exactly teaming with new recruits these days.

Suddenly the night came alive around him, clearly in response to these new invaders. There were strange animal noises and calls coming from the shadows. He couldn’t see what was in the shadows, but he could hear them moving, scuttling and running around, there presence known but not seen. The people from the van where now fanning out and into the shadows. Dirk almost fell out of his hiding place in his attempt to see what was going on, but he needn’t have. Almost immediately gunshots came from all directions, and then the people were heading back to their van, dragging bodies into it. Dirk could count five. Whomever the people where, they where clearly efficient. The universe compelled him to go out, to help, to investigate in any way. “But I don’t want to!” Dirk called out, like a bratty child, seemingly to an uncaring universe, but the impulse became too strong to ignore. He stumbled onto the street and raced to the van, yelling for good measure. He was a one man army, a David against a Goliath, except he didn't even have a measly slingshot. 

One of the people from the van, a woman with incredible hair, turned to him and raised her gun. Dirk could feel the panic build up inside him as she began to press down on the trigger. He froze. “No! Bad! Don’t!” he yelled while his body remained rigid- but he needn’t have. A different person from the van put his hand on her shoulder, stopping her. He whispered something in her ear and she turned and continued loading the bodies into the van. The man walked toward him. Dirk found himself conflicted. He wanted to run, but he also needed to know what was going on. He held his ground. At least they seemed unwilling to kill him so far. 

“Why did you kill those people?” he asked. Though perhaps, with hindsight, he should have opened with “who are you?” or “please don’t hurt me”. 

“That’s none of your concern,” The man from the van replied. 

He was stood inches away from Dirk. He could have reached out and touched him if he wanted. Dirk was overcome with the impulse to boop the stranger on the nose. He fought the it, leaving his hands twitching awkwardly by his sides, even he knew that booping a stranger on the nose wasn’t the right thing to do in this situation. Before he could question the man again, the man turned and yelled “He’s human, what do I do with him?” 

“You don’t have to do anything to me, I’m fine, honestly, I’m not even threatening! I mean look at me,” Dirk found himself jabbering without really knowing what he was saying. His voice reedy. Sometimes talking helped in these situations. There was that one time where his captors let him go, simply because he annoyed them too much from talking. That was a good time. He couldn’t finish his jabbering though, as someone called back, “Just knock him out, we don’t have time for this” and without even considering it, the man raised the butt of his gun and struck Dirk over the head.

The pain was sharp and immediate and then in the same blinding flash it was there, it was gone again. Out cold, Dirk’s body crumpled up from underneath him. He didn’t even have time to silently curse the universe for the umpteenth time as he collapsed. 

It was black out, the street became silent again as the van pulled away. Nothing stirred. Not even the things that creeped in the shadows. Not even Dirk.

~

Todd woke up to some asshole outside screeching their tires. He jolted up, but the second he did he realised his mistake. The room around him throbbed just as much as his head did. Pulsing black dots clouded his vision. He sat there, utterly still, waiting for the head rush to pass. It had been too long since he had eaten. Luckily his room was still dark, which meant it was dark outside too. He could go out for food. He scratched the stubble on his chin. It had honestly been much too long since he had given a shit about his appearance. He wouldn’t be attracting any pretty little things to have lunch with in this state. It hardly mattered. The area was littered with homeless people. They would do, and usually they didn’t even go to the police about it. Todd got dressed in yesterday’s clothes, his head was throbbing too much for him to care about the stains. He picked up his keys as he went out, purely out of habit. The lock on his door had been broken for months now, but he hadn’t gotten around to fixing it. It didn’t matter. No one would willingly go into the apartment of a vampire. 

He shakily made his way downstairs, he hoped someone was passed out, or drunk, or sleeping. He couldn’t deal with a fight right now. It was a strange thing, blood thirst. It made him thirsty and hungry at the same time. It was more powerful than normal hunger, he couldn't easily ignore it when it was there, and it never really went away. It also made his senses more acute. The effect of vampire thirst was evident as he made it down to the street and was immediately accosted with the smell of blood. Someone here was bleeding. Todd was overwhelmed. He couldn’t control himself as dragged himself down the street to the smell of blood. It niggled in the back of his mind that it was weird that no one else was out here taking opportunity of this buffet. On a normal night, this street would have been swarming with others just like him. Blood had that effect on vampires. He didn’t care, he could see the source of the smell and suddenly that was the only thing that mattered. An undisputed meal just laying there? Todd couldnt believe his luck, someone just happened to be lying on the pavement and bleeding out in, possibly, the most dangerous street in the city? Perhaps there was a God after all.

The ground around him was soaked in blood, and Todd had to stop himself from lapping it up from the ground. Honestly he wondered how the fuck this dude was still alive, that was a big pool of blood. Was it even safe to drink blood from someone who had clearly lost so much? He stood there, conflicted for a few moments, before his instincts kicked in. He wouldn’t drink too much, he told himself. He couldn’t stop himself from licking some of the blood from the passed-out stranger. Which was unfortunate because he chose that exact moment to wake up. 

Todd quickly threw himself off the man, he wasn’t strong enough to fight anyone, not even a guy with huge blood loss. Sitting up, the man stared at Todd quizzically, before beaming. "Well shit", Todd thought, "this dude clearly sustained brain damage." 

“That’s a very strange way to help someone who’s pased out, you know,” the man said. His voice was unmistakably British. What on earth was a British person doing in the middle of a run down, vampire invested, neighborhood? Todd couldn’t even squeak out a reply before the man continued. “Well, in any case, thank you for helping me. Even if you clearly have no first aid training.” The man apparently hadn’t noticed the pool of blood he was sitting in. He went to stand, stumbled and slipped and landed on his ass. “I’m Dirk Gently, holistic detective and all that. Clearly, I’m in trouble, but the universe sent me you to help. Well I hope it sent you to help,” The man, apparently called Dirk, said that all in one breath. Todd just stared, his eyes bulging and his mouth agape. 

Eventually, Todd managed to give Dirk his own name. This simply made Dirk grin even harder. He looked like a maniac, beaming while covered in blood. Todd found himself scuttling away. He would be better a help if he wasn’t barely keeping himself together from his thirst, not that he really knew why he wanted to help this man. Clearly, he was going to have to eat the gross fridge stuff again, but he couldn’t just leave this weird, beaming and bleeding stranger outside in the dark and cold. Holding his breath, he helped Dirk up, who was obviously coming out of shock as he stumbled and groaned, even with Todd’s help. 

“Put some pressure on it,” he managed to choke out. Dirk happily obliged, and then immediately yelped at the pain. If he was in any other mood, Todd would have given him an incredulous look, but luckily for Dirk the only thing Todd could think of was blood, and possibly how heavy this seemingly skinny guy was. Incredibly, Dirk was still talking. Well, talking was a bit of an overstatement. He babbled incoherently about five bodies, about the universe and about a case. Todd couldn’t pay attention, even if he wanted to. He had three flights of stairs to climb. He was hungry and was holding a dude covered in stuff he wanted to drink. Something out there was probably testing him, specifically his vow not to kill people. 

It felt like an eternity till he got to his shitty apartment and he was grateful, in that moment, that his door didn’t have a lock. Well he was- until he looked up and there was a person in his apartment. Specifically Dorian, and he looked pissed, like bull in a bull fight kind of pissed. Dorian immediately erupted into a tirade of words but Todd just brushed past him, he was too hungry to feel threatened by him. Todd dumped Dirk onto the couch and turned to his dim kitchen, still ignoring Dorian’s angry rant. Grabbing a bloated blood bag from his fridge he turned and held his index finger up to Dorian, silencing him. Usually Todd would have grovelled by now, but today was a weird fucking day. He drained the bag in a second and his mind immediately cleared. The thirst was lesser and he could think clearly. He grabbed another bag and turned to Dorian.

“What do you want?” he asked, finally in the right state of mind to be yelled at. Dorian didn’t disappoint. He started his tirade over from the beginning. 

“Where the fuck was you tonight?” he yelled. “Five of our own were taken! Five, and you saunter back hours late with a human,” Dorian emphasised the last word like it was venom. Dorian had nothing but contempt for humans, to him they where cattle. With the blood, Todd could function again, and replacing hunger was more pertinent feeling: annoyance. He wanted Dorian out of his fucking apartment, even if he was technically scared of him. 

“I have not a clue what you’re talking about,” Todd replied, careful to keep feeling out of his voice, the last thing he wanted was to fight a Greater Vampire with a barely conscious human in his flat. Even at this, Dorian seemed to grow three sizes bigger in his rage. 

“Five.” He spat out, “Five vampires were taken. By hunters, and you weren’t there,” Todd wasn’t sure what Dorian thought he could have done to help. Hunters came and went all the time and there were always losses. It was a part of the vampire life. Todd stayed out of clans for this very reason, he didn't want to be surrounded by this drama. Clearly his apathy was readable on his face, as Dorian swung a punch at him which connected with a hollow crunch. Todd growled back, but Dorian’s attention was drawn elsewhere, specifically to the very unconscious Dirk on his couch. Clearly he thought that now that Todd was on the floor, Dirk would be easy to snag. No vampire was up to give up an easy meal, it was in their nature, and Todd didn't usually begrudge others for acting on it, but Dorian was nasty to his victims. Blood everywhere, entrails strewn kind of nasty. Knowing he was crazy, Todd acted on impulse. For some reason the idea of Dorian mutilating someone he had dragged back to his apartment was enough to die for, as Todd decided to fight. Still dazed from the punch he stumbled as he got up and ran to Dorian, jumping on his back in a ditch attempt to stop him from touching the human. 

In the future, Todd would claim to not know what happened. He spent the entire time with his eyes closed. One moment he was on Dorian's back, and the next he heard shattering glass, and felt it, as they both tumbled out of a window. There was the swooshing sensation of falling and finally was the sound of a sickening squelch. Then nothing. 

Eventually Todd opened his eyes, having realised Dorian wasn’t beating him to a pulp. In fact, Dorian wasn’t doing much of anything and Todd was still on his back. Looking down he realised exactly why Dorian wasn’t beating him to a pulp. He wouldn't be beating anyone to a pulp ever again. The man was staked. He had landed on a metal spike from the railings outside the apartment, and was staked. Through the heart. Old school style.

Well, there went that vow of his. Feeling nauseated, he slid off Dorian. He stared for a while. He killed him. The man was a dead weight on a spike and it was absolutely disgusting. He stared for a few seconds longer and stumbled back to his apartment, holding back vomit. People would gather around soon. Another vampire would pick Dorian up, probably one of the tidy ones. Cannibalism wasn’t unheard of in these parts. 

Dirk was still in his apartment, oblivious to the fact that he almost died. Well, he still could die, Todd mused, he was still losing blood after all. Todd was still pounding with adrenaline and pushed the incident with Dorian out of his mind. Fighting back the urge to run to the bathroom, and puke, Todd got to work. One life (or afterlife) taken for one saved, that seemed like an okay days’ work. The moral greyness niggled at him but he didn't care. He could debate morality and murder with himself later. It was time to play the doctor. Inspecting Dirk he could see that the wound was just above his hairline. Lucky, it could have ruined his pretty face, Todd thought. It was easy to push the fact that he had just killed someone out of his mind while he was bandaging up Dirk. Clean the wound, dress it, bandage it. It was easy work and it cleared his mind. He doubted Dirk needed stitches. Pleased with his handiwork, Todd got up. 

Dirk looked peaceful on his couch, at least. The bandage looked a bit sloppy but it would have to do. Exhausted, Todd went back to his room, absentmindedly closing the curtains as he went. What would be the point in surviving a three story drop just to die from sun exposure? It was past dawn by the time he crawled into bed. His sleep was uneasy and restless, his dreams were filled with strange bleeding men and Dorian's glassy, dead stare. 

Needless to say, he was not happy to be woken up by screaming.


	2. Daytime Brings Ugly Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk wakes up from a weird dream in an even weirder situation. Todd just wants this weird man out of his house.

Dirk swam in darkness, it felt like a mist that surrounded him. He guessed this is what it was to swim in a cloud but it wasn’t wet, or cold, or much of anything. He was in darkness and his mind was empty. There were no whispers from the universe telling him what to do, no push and pull. A serene ocean of emptiness. With every stroke, he disturbed the glass mirror surface, giant ripples rushing away from him, and then disappearing. His impact ultimately unnoticeable in the ocean, a blip in the universe. He was utterly alone, swimming for something he didn’t understand. The silence started to drive him mad. He didn’t quite know what to do, and he wasn’t used to feeling like that. He searched, desperate to find some kind of purpose as to why he was there.

Finally, he saw something. Deep, deep down in the ocean was a glimmer of light, barely a twinkle in the vast expanse. Not knowing what else to do, he drew in a breath and dived. Swimming down with no resistance was a strange feeling. The oblivion wrapped itself around him, engulfing him. It was too late when he realised the twinkling was too far away and he was running out of breath. He wasn’t sure what would happen if he tried to breathe in, but he didn’t want to find out. He tried to swim up, only to find that the oblivion was everywhere, in every direction, a world of mist. His lungs, unable to take it any longer operated on instinct, forcing him to take in the darkness. He expected fire in his lungs, but it was like an anesthetic. The oblivion was in him, and it started leaching into everything. He could feel it, like a numbing poison. He would have screamed but he couldn’t. 

The headache that Dirk woke up with was as unforgiving as the universe. He had awoken with a strange sense of panic, a primal feeling that quickly evaporated. He lay there, feeling the adrenaline leave his body. He felt like his head was splitting open. He stared at the red inside his eyelids for a few seconds, taking in a few steadying breaths. Wherever he was, it was sunny at least. Dirk rolled to the left, and blindly fell off the couch, ending up on the floor with a thud. Gingerly he opened his eyes, wincing at the light that was pouring through the window. A broken window. Dirk glared at the offending light source as he slowly got to his feet like a baby fawn, all limbs with no control. Stifling a yawn, he peered around wherever “this” was. It appeared to be a shitty apartment, complete with a startling disregard for cleanliness. Even in his current, head feeling like it was splitting in half, state, he still turned his nose at the apartment around him. It really was disgusting.

Water. That’s all he needed, water and to figure out what the heck happened and then to get back to his own, cleaner apartment and his own bed. Raising his hand to scratch his head, he brushed against a bandage. Well, at least he found the source of his headache. Slowly the events leading up to his headache came back to him, like a flash on cameras. There was a van, and shadow people, and pain. The only conclusion Dirk could come up with was that the universe absolutely got him into that situation. He stumbled into the kitchen. He just needed water, his throat felt like it had died and fossilised while he had been unconscious. While he gulped down enough water for a horse, Dirk concentrated even harder on figuring out what the hell had happened to him. The universe had clearly led him into danger as it always did. It was never very useful. Just like it wasn’t being very useful now, it wasn’t exactly telling him where to go from here.

Wait. The universe wasn’t telling him to go anywhere. It was telling him to stay right here. 

That was interesting. What was so special about this place? Dirk wondered. Curious he began snooping. Something about this place was important, and it wasn’t because it looked like it belonged on the TV show Hoarders. He was suddenly overcome with the need for food. Surely whatever kind stranger that helped him wouldn’t mind him borrowing some food. He was sure the universe would compensate them for it. He reached out to the fridge and yanked it open. 

He didn’t notice dropping the glass. Or that it shattered. Or that what he thought was a silent scream was in fact an out loud scream. The inside of the fridge looked like a murder scene. There were splatters of blood everywhere, with a few bags of the stuff. Upon further inspection, there was also a solitary beer can in the far back, but Dirk was too focused on the blood, and the bags of it, and the implications thereof. 

Dirk realised he had made a noise when a goblin came running into the room, screamed and then ran back out of the room. How peculiar. Always the curious one, Dirk rushed to see what on earth that was. He peered into the room the goblin came out of, to find that it wasn’t a goblin. It was in fact a man. He was dishevelled enough to absolutely be the owner of this property. He was backed into the far corner of his room, hiding in the shadows. This must be the man that helped him. He vaguely remembered him, and licking. Perhaps he had a dog? Always one for polite introductions, Dirk decided to be nice to the man that helped him the night before. 

He greeted the goblin man with his cheeriest “Hi!”. This was the kind of greeting that old people always fell for. Many people told him he was suited for customer service, or mistook him as a Mormon missionary. His cheerful greeting fell on deaf ears however, Mr Goblin wasn’t paying much attention to him. He seemed to be clutching his arm, nursing it like it was a baby. Dirk tried again, “Hi, I’m Dirk Gently! Thank you for helping me last night, I assume you helped me. If you didn’t then, I’m very sorry to be in your apartment, although it’s quite grimy in here. Don’t you think?”. The man grimaced at Dirk, clearly he was missing something. What was he missing? Stupid Dirk! Always messing up first encounters… and second encounters… and all encounters. Slowly, as if it was a stampede in slow motion, a revolting smell attacked Dirks nose. It was unmistakably the smell of burnt flesh. Looking closer, Dirk realised what it was. Even while hidden in the shadows, it was unmistakable, Mr Goblin had a horrific burn on his arm.  
Dirk couldn’t help himself, (or more like the universe wouldn’t help Dirk) he hurried to the man and grabbed his arm. The skin on the man’s forearm was gone, replaced by a foul, cauterised wound. He looked up at Dirk, locking eyes with him, his face contorted in pain. Later on, Dirk would spend a lot of time thinking about how blue his eyes were. Dirk knew the man needed a hospital, he wasn’t sure if it was possible but it was possibly worse than a third-degree burn. He almost gagged, he could see his tendons. 

Then, slowly something happened. As if it had lava underneath it, the wound started bubbling. Almost unnoticeable at first, only at the fringes, but soon it was happening all along the burn. It got faster and faster, distorting the wound. Then Dirk realised that the burn was getting smaller. The skin was repairing itself. Dirk couldn’t stop staring. The skin knitted itself together, leaving behind new, unblemished pale skin. 

Amazed, Dirk looked up to the man, searching for an explanation. Mr Goblin wasn’t looking at him, he just looked tired. At least he had stopped screaming, that had started to grate on Dirks ears. They looked at each other like that for a while, Dirk still clutching his arm like it was the holy grail. Hidden in the shadows of the room like lovers at a seedy party. Then, breaking the lull of silence, the man croaked out: “Grab me some blood?” Dirk obliged. The man clearly wasn’t human. Perhaps less so than he was. If he needed blood he would rather it be from a bag than himself. He grabbed a blood bag from the murder scene fridge, and gingerly passed it to him, standing back, as he knew was coming next. 

Dirk had hoped, nay, prayed for something normal as his next case, but, as usual, the universe seemed intent in performing some kind of metaphorical waterboarding, where it repeatedly dunked him in the weirdest of shit with little to no respite. Dirk wasn’t squeamish, he had seen too much to be, nevertheless it was disconcerting to see a man rip into a bag of blood with vigour. He barely flinched, and thought that this stuff really shouldn’t be on the “fairly normal” of his weirdness scale. Watching him, some more of the previous night’s memories trickled back to him. The name Todd found itself on his lips. “Todd?” he asked. Todd looked up at him, nodded and then returned his attention to the bag in his hands. It was nearly drained. The next word that came to Dirks lips was “vampire”. He might have spent his childhood in a CIA detainment center for scientific experiments, but he still knew pop culture. What was a vampire doing existing? 

Todd finished his blood bag and stood up. He looked ragged. He stared pointedly at Dirk, as if expecting him to do something. Next, he tried wildly gesturing while making grunting noises. Dirk, perhaps, should have informed Todd that was well as being a holistic detective, he was also wildly incompetent at understanding wild gestures and pointed stares. Eventually Todd gave in. “Please get out” he said. “I helped you, you helped me. I think we’re even. You should get out before dark.” 

There was a problem here, thought Dirk. The universe absolutely wanted him to be here. He tried explaining it to Todd but he didn’t want to listen. Instead he barred his teeth in warning. Wow, vampires really did have fangs. Getting the message, Dirk left his apartment. Todd had said to leave, but he didn’t specify the entire building. Squaring his shoulders, he firmly stepped out of the apartment and settled himself on the floor in the hallway.It was quiet all around him, he didn't mind waiting. There was a reason for him being here. The universe was never wrong.

~

Todd hadn’t been able to get back to sleep once the whole Dirk Gently-Sun Burn incident had occurred. His skin had been left tingling and it became impossible to ignore. Instead he spent the time under his bed covers messing around on his phone and coming up with truly shocking song lyrics. He wished Amanda was here. She always made daylight hours more fun. Being incredibly bored, the hours passed slowly until finally his phone alarm told him the sun had set. 

When Todd saw Dirk Gently outside his door, he couldn’t help it. His mouth fell open. It had been hours. What living creature had the patience to wait outside an apartment for nearly 8 hours? It almost hurt him more than the burn when Dirk gave a cheery wave from the hallway. Choosing to take the high road, Todd ignored him. Todd could hear the faint sounds of life around him. The neighborhood was waking up. He had warned Dirk to leave before night fell, it wasn’t his problem anymore. The slow rolling fog of laziness was clouding his brain, as usual. Ignoring Dirk proved to be a problem, the man seemed incredibly intent on getting his attention. He was waving frantically from the hallway, and yelled out for Todd to pay attention to him. Apparently even when he wasn’t delirious he still rambled about the stream of creation. He looked particularly hilarious with a stark white bandage on his head. 

“Todd! Todd! You have to listen to me!” Dirk was calling from the landing. “Its imperative to the investigation I’m on that you let me stay in your flat!” Todd simply put in his headphones in response. Dirk wasn’t his problem anymore. Todd considered calling Amanda, but since she had joined her covern, she hadn’t had much time for chatting, not that he blamed her, the Rowdy Three was much more interesting than he was.  
Todd wanted more than anything to have a nice, lazy evening, without the drama of the one before. Sadly, as he quickly learned, drama seemed to follow Dirk around like a shadow or a piece of gum stuck to his shoe. When he had first been turned, Todd had quickly learned that the presence of a human in this neighborhood would attract every vampire in it, like a lollipop would attract ants. In this case, Dirk was the lollipop. He felt the commotion outside his apartment first, or more like the commotion came to him. Dirk was thrown into him, not pushed, but literally thrown. He tumbled through the air, all limbs and noise, and smashed into Todd. 

Dirk leaped off Todd and dived behind the sofa, clearly, he thought the vampires outside had the object permanence of a new-born baby. They did not. The vampires themselves crowded around the door, shrieking and yelling. At least twenty ravenous vampires were outside Todd’s door with only Dirk in mind, fully aware that he was hiding himself behind the sofa. They tried to push against the boundary of the door, but both Todd and the mob knew it was useless. Todd never was a very social person, and thus inviting over the vampires in the neighborhood never really happened. He could imagine Amanda laughing till she cried at the fact that his reclusive lifestyle had saved him. Dirk, realising that he wasn’t being swarmed by vampires, peeked up from behind the sofa and looked at Todd for an explanation.

“We’re vampires, we can’t go into places we haven’t been invited into,” was the only explanation Todd could offer. He didn’t really understand it himself. Todd had very limited knowledge of his kind, but he knew that the vampires wouldn’t leave his door, even if they couldn’t get through it. Dirk was in his apartment unclaimed, and that was enough of an incentive to be patient. He really didn’t want to fight twenty of them. He didn’t fancy the idea of being ripped to shreds and then being eaten. Attracted by the commotion, the crowd outside the door was growing. Dirk was unclaimed and in his apartment, and the logical thing would have been to just throw him to the wolves and feel guilty about it later. The vampires outside would leave him alone and fight among themselves at least. Todd knew that Amanda would lose the last of her good opinion of him if she found out he had given a human to the vampires in his neighborhood. Especially one who rambled about a connected universe.

Dirk, now safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t going to be immediately attacked by vampires, was stood behind Todd, breathing down his neck. Todd shivered at the proximity, Dirk clearly didn’t know what personal space was. He could have very easily have reached behind him and threw Dirk Gently back over the barrier, but at what Todd couldn’t risk losing Amanda, so the logical answer to the situation went out of the window. Instead he would just have to find a stupid answer to the question. He knew, with a slow rolling dread that there was only one way to get both of them out of the situation. He thought of many possibilities in his mind but even the wildest led to certain death. He was going to have to claim Dirk. 

He threw that to the wind. There were fifty vampires outside his door now, making enough commotion that the entire neighborhood would be there soon. There was no way of escaping through the window. Dirk didn’t really seem to be up for a three-story drop, even if he wasn’t suffering a head injury, and even if he did survive it, vampires would swarm them in seconds. Cursing his sister, and his location and Dirk -fucking- Gently who hadn’t left before nightfall like he had warned him to, Todd took the only course of action he could. He grabbed Dirk, pulled him in front of him, and staring down the mob outside his door the entire time, Todd's teeth pierced Dirk Gently’s neck, 25 hours after the thought first crossed his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how i feel about this one, i certainly enjoyed writing it, but it was definitely hard to fit it around the essays i had this week! Im hoping that i can keep to this kind of week to a week and a half schedule i have at the moment. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it ^^. Like i mentioned before this is mostly just self serving trash so i was a bit overwhelmed by the response to my first chapter! Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos and commenting! Again i hope you liked this chapter ^^ (Also i realised this fic is going to have a lot of um, injuries? And a HELL of a lot of screaming)


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